Official Singles Chart on 1/4/2012

Chart Reviews No.3 - 01/04/2012

April Fools! Only kidding, of course. (or am I?) Anyways, welcome to another slab of music information known as "Chart Reivews", where I attempt to lavish praise on certain songs, and spit out rusty information on music you probably forgot about. This time, it's April Fool's 2012 that's the subject, and as the only person who cares about artists like Tinchy Stryder and some guy called "Ned Beeran", or whatever his name was. I forget. What was I saying again? Oh right, the charts. Got it.

5 new entries and 1 re-entrant made up the numbers today, that re-entry coming from Labrinth and Tinie Tempah with a song that had already hung around the chart for AGES (just like nowadays, eh?). Easily the biggest of the quintet was Chris Brown's new "banger", Turn Up The Music, which became his ONLY chart-topping single on these shores. Which is great and all, but that doesn't change the fact it sounded like all the other stateside hits back then. That being, loud beats, catchy choruses, and more autotune than Kanye West on a quiet day. 6/10

Moving on, and the sixth-biggest selling hit was Plan B with ill Manors. Taken from his upcoming third album/soundtrack shindig of the same name, it was a supposed attempt to get back to his angsty roots, after the Marmite-esque success of The Defamation of Strickland Banks. At least, I think that was what he was trying to do. The video is less "ill Manors" and more "the inspiration for every D-Block Europe video ever". This was also back when quoting Boris Johnson in your song without mentioning his presidential reign was a good idea (he was just the Mayor of London in those times), and given this song fell right out of the Top 20 next week, it's safe to say this song didn't go down too well. I like it though. 8/10.

Meanwhile, about twenty places lower, Olly Murs' third hit from his second album, Oh My Goodness, climbed up the positions on its way to a No.13 peak. Not that it's memorable or anything, I just wanted to let you know about that. 6/10. As for the other less than memorable chart newbies, B Traits and Elisabeth Troy charted at 35 with Fever, the only chart hit of note for these lot, although not enough to distinguish them from the other dubstep/drum 'n' bass crew in the chart during this time period. 5/10. And The Vaccines clocked up a 2nd Top 40 single with If You Wanna, mainly due to the fact it got used in Made In Chelsea. Because of course it did.

Over on the album chart, Madonna's twelfth STUDIO album became her twelfth OVERALL album to parade its way to the top, in the form of MDNA. Even though the lead single didn't get higher than 37. This was also the point when nobody started to care about Madonna anymore (except The Weeknd, obviously, but he hadn't had any hits by this point). Jessie J and Katy Perry also made big gains over there for reasons I can't decipher, apart from the fact that they had been there since time began (or 57 and 83 weeks respectively). Propping up the new hits in the singles chart were everyone I mentioned earlier, along with TWO CARLY RAE JEPSEN TRIBUTE ACTS. Give the girl a break, for goodness sake. This was back in the days when covers of songs that weren't out yet attempted to gatecrash the charts. 2012 was the zenith of this, with one of these songs managing to reach No.9 in the ACTUAL CHART. Seriously. (In case you were wondering, it was Maroon 5's Payphone, by an act called "Precision Tunes". They fell to 81 a week later.) And over on the album factory, Noah Stewart, Shinedown, Iron Maiden, Alter Bridge, The All-American Rejects, The Peacemakers, The Mars Volta, Blood Red Shoes, The Used, Rocket Boots & The Moon, Meshuggah, and It Bites also entered at various points. But none of them mattered anymore, so I don't know why I mentioned them (even though it's mandatory in these reviews, but still).

Right, that's that then for another day. I'll be off to comment on the chart update later today, and hopefully when the OCC can allow me to comment freely. Surely, lightning won't strike twice. Right!? (it probably will)

(P.S. These messages I do at the bottom of these posts will ALSO become mandatory, in which I be a bit cynical at certain acts. Like, who in Sweet Virginia is Alyssa Reid? Or Stooshe? Or Ed Sheer- oh I've done it again, haven't I?)