Official Singles Chart on 23/5/2010

Chart Reviews No. 7 - 23/05/2010

And with another unremarkable introduction, here is the seventh edition of the chart reviews, where tame comedic jabs at underperforming artists becomes par for the course when judging what people thought to listen to back then. This time, it's 2010, and a week where BBC Radio 1 were SO entrenched in their Big Weekend coverage that they forgot about the IMPORTANT stuff. Only one song between 11-40 was touched that entire show (and it is a new entry, so it makes some sense), and they still did the album chart, but the attitude towards this chart was so unfair, it makes the modern Radio 1 chart show seem like a divine angel by comparison. Which is no mean feat, let me tell you.

It didn't help that the Top 40 saw 11 new entries that week, with only two in the Top 10. One of these was Nothin' On You by B.O.B., which completely blew everyone away as his debut single steamrolled to the top. And fully deserved, might I add (7/10). This was also the first chart appearance for co-star Bruno Mars, back when he was just some R'N'B ballad guy with a hat with cool videos. Or, as I liked to call him back then, the American Olly Murs (he also wore a hat in his early years).

Less expected to make the Top 10, however, was Leeds Leeds Leeds (Marching On Together) by Leeds United Team & Supporters. This was one of the many instances of "chart invasions" that plagued the download era of the chart, most of them ran by some losers with no REAL friends, that mainly link back to Rage Against the Machine grabbing the Christmas Number 1 in 2009. On this occasion, Leeds United had just won League 1 in England, so why THIS many people plugged away buying this remains a mystery. Still, it went Top 10. So somebody must've been happy (4/10).

At 11, Muse crashed in with Neutron Star Collider, taken from the Twilight soundtrack, so that guaranteed it some fans. And I mean SOME, because it fell 40 places the next week. Selective record it certainly is (5/10). More rock (which was sorely lacking in 2010) in the form of The Pretty Reckless at 16 with Make Me Wanna Die, their main selling point being the fact that Gossip Girl star Taylor Momsen fronted the band. Doesn't change the fact that this song is BOSS. Don't even bother trying to alter my opinion (8/10). Seventeenth place, meanwhile, was taken by Sean Kingston & Justin Bieber, with Eenie Meenie. Typical American fluff, it would later climb into the Top 10, which I guess means something positive (5/10). This was back when Justin and his hairdo were the most polarizing things on the planet, torn between the fact that A), he's like 16 or something, B), he attempted to meld Chris Brown songs with white boy personality, C), every Planet Earth loved this trick back then, and D), Baby was just a little bit annoying. Just a little bit.

Outside the 20, and the first football record of 2010 paved its way, in the form of Three Lions 2010 by The Squad, apparently a mission to drag Robbie Williams and Russell Brand into the world of footy songs. Song though (2/10). At 26 is the song I mentioned that DID get played that day, Guns and Horses by Ellie Goulding. This was the followup to big Top 5 smacker-upper Starry Eyed, so this peaking about 20 places lower was NOT GREAT. Still, I'm sure everything turned out well in the end for ol' Ellie. I think (6/10).

33-35 were new hits, except No.34, Your Love Is My Drug by Ke$ha climbed that week, so that kinda messes with the formula a little. Anyways, third hit for Ke$ha, sounds just like the other two. Big whoop (6/10). Thirty-fifth place that week was The Flood by Katie Melua, which heralded her new album, erm, what was it called again? I forget. Just like the song (4/10). 33, meanwhile was hit number 12 for the Glee Cast, with their cover of Jessie's Girl by Rick Springfield, which was never a hit over here, so I guess it makes sense that they try and force it into our our esophagi. Didn't work though (4/10).

Oh, and at 39 was Nas & Damian Marley with As We Enter, but good luck finding anybody who remembers THAT tune (5/10). Because I don't. I was too engrossed in the album chart that week to care. And boy, WHAT an album week. Exile on Main St. by the Rolling Stones just appeared out of nowhere after 38 years away to take the top spot, because they added new songs on it. Go figure. They beat out an eclectic bunch to the top, which involved dance-ravers Faithless, tenor-cover mum pleasers The Baseballs, and indie kind of no-hopers LCD Soundsystem. Naturally. The singles chart also saw small songs from Agnes, The King Blues, Chiddy Bang, Avenged Sevenfold and GLEE. (also future hits for Pixie Lott and Keri Hilson) Oh, and the album chart saw new ones from Band of Horses, Tiësto, The Black Keys, Nas & Damian Marley, Train, Andre Rieu, Kelis, Tracey Thorn, another pointless Faintless greatest hits, Court Yard Hounds, Jackson Browne and David Lindley, and Lostboy a.k.a. Jim Kerr. I bet you bought none of those albums. Still, Kelis' album flopping after Acapella went Top 10 was DISASTROUS. She hasn't been seen since, no matter how many critics like her.

I will also not be seen until Friday, because I have an actual job to do at home. Like prepare myself for the inevitable backlash I'll get from judging certain artists' hits. See you in the next one.

(P.S. In case you were wondering, esophagi is plural for esophagus. And Total Eclipse of the Heart by Glee fell 20 places. But you knew that, didn't you?)