Official Singles Chart on 11/3/2007

Chart Reviews No. 5 - 11/03/2007

if i keep making jokey intros like these i might get fired

Anyways, welcome to another round of "Who's Got Record Sales". Except, back in 2007, the charts were at a bit of a crossroads. Despite downloads bankrolling most of the hits of the day by this point, everybody still had the nerve to slap out a CD or vinyl copy whenever the time was right. This chart is a perfect example of what happens when the physical sales overpower everything else, as will soon be discovered.

A total of 11 new entries were elected as part of the musical roundabout, but they were ALL forgettable. Just kidding. None were in the Top 10 though, which is disappointing. This meant that Take That were able to sleepwalk their way to a second week at the summit with Shine, a tender ode to ELO that proved that yes, on the contrary, Take That ARE relevant. Deal with it, chums.

Glide out of the Top 10, however, and it becomes something on the lines of nuclear warfare. In at 13 were Biffy Clyro, who, with this single (Saturday Superhouse), pretty much signed their souls away to commercial superstardom after all the indie nonsense they were part of beforehand. Even though it fell to No.36 a week later. To be fair, all of their songs were doing that by this point (9/10). Sixteenth in the running order that week was Robbie Williams, who achieved the odd feat of not being worth talking about. Maybe it's because he duetted with The Pet Shop Boys on this track, but still. Making a song called She's Madonna didn't help either (5/10).

Meanwhile, as Calvin Harris started his first attack on the music world, Christina Aguilera attempted to prove that not stalking the record stores was a good idea. Which it was, if Candyman is anything to go by (7/10), as another neat little ancient American jazz-cabaret pastiche that could make Panic! At The Disco wet their pants (if they had any). One place above her, though, were Madness, who could be forgiven for trying to get with the kids, if Suggs' voice wasn't so AWFUL when they recorded Sorry. I mean, come on, what happened THERE!? (5/10). They also couldn't be bothered making actual record sleeves, either. Somewhere, Kanye West is solemnly grinning.

Three new hits make up 27-29, 29 being the Scissor Sisters, who could be mistaken for thinking that they were one-hit wonders, if I Don't Feel Like Dancin' had shown. Not that it makes She's My Man bad or anything, but still. Their worst chart performance to date at that point, which was certainly saying SOMETHING (5/10). Above them was Joss Stone, making her grand return to music in the WORST WAY POSSIBLE. The BRIT Awards 2007. Never watch her present Best British Male to James Morrison ever. You may die of cringe. Safe to say that her brain was consumed by America at this point, if the sounds of Tell Me 'Bout It was anything to go by (6/10). And at 27, the first appearance of St. Albans five-piece Enter Shikari, who made their presence known by shouting for five minutes, over keyboards, loud things known as "key-tars", and whatever the lyrics are ACTUALLY about. The song title? Anything Can Happen in the Next Half Hour. Yeah, you're not wrong (8/10).

As for the others, well, Simply Red were still slapping songs out on their own label, and if the quality of So Not Over You is anything to go by, then they should've STOPPED while they could (3/10). Then there was Paolo Nutini with his fourth hit, New Shoes, on its way to spending what felt like forever in the Top 40 (which is no bad thing, if the song is THIS good, 7/10). At 37, Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly. (easily the worst name for an artist I've seen in my life) was still propping up the charts, no matter how good songs like I-Spy were. Proof, that he was one of the most underrated stars of the noughties (8/10). And at 40, the second chart hit for LCD Soundsystem, whose attempts to be the American equivalent of The Fall went up another level with North American Scam (I changed the 'a' in 'scam' from a 'u' so I wouldn't get banned). Five minutes of telling us how lame America is, yet contradicting themselves with how good America is. Brilliant, I say (9/10).

Meanwhile, on the album chart, it was Mothers Day, so that meant a SURGE of "mam albums" (a description I give to the likes of Sam Ryder and Cian Ducrot, who can't make good songs to save their lives). Bryan Ferry, Dolly Parton, Donny Osmond, Marty Wilde, Andrea Corr, Jack Savoretti, and Mary Chain Carpenter all gambled for success, but in the end, nothing could stop the Kaiser Chiefs glueing themselves to the top again with Yours Truly, Angry Mob. Not even the efforts of Arcade Fire, Mason, Grinderman, Air, Idlewild, The Stooges, Ry Cooder, The Notorious B.I.G., Chimaira, Mr Hudson & the Library, Tracey Thorn, The Horrors. Not even Cascada could stop them. That's how good they were at the time (overexaggerating there, much?).

So yeah, that was one particular chart from years gone by, where hopefully, something could came out of ONE of the artists I've mentioned. And, if you're lucky, you can find me doing another one of these, tomorrow! Yeah. That's right. TOMORROW. HOW LUCKY IS THAT?

(P.S. There were also miniature hits for Wi-Fi, The Sunshine Underground, Arcade Fire, The Aliens, and James Morrison charting that week. But I thought you knew that already.)