Official Singles Chart Update on 21/8/2023

I thought the midweek singles chart updates were on Monday evening, around 8:00 PM in the past.

Has that changed?

its hard too tell your christian poopooplattah where you like satan in music vids

lets just face is plattah you insulted me about my religion first i never did anythign before that so you go too insulting its sad

and for unitellegent i have over 100 quiz board games in my house i love quizzing when it comes too it its my hobbies poopooplattah so nice try ive been quizzing for 6 years its just im so angry im typing fast 

you can save yourself time (im not being disrespectful i am pointing something out) poopooplattah i am not racist i said if you are muslim please stop insulting me and trying too act petty all i want is a peaceful enviroment also you told me too grow up because im christian and now your saying your christian so you are clearly not. immuture is you claiming that i said you have no god im only bringing love i want you too have a blessed day please dont take your anger out on me for something immature you did thank you

Chart Update 21/08/2023

Welcome to yet another edition of high expectations, intense drama, and inevitable conclusions. Make your own Lionesses joke.

The chart is back to being its delightfully BORING self, and I for one am so bored that I didn't feel like doing one of these yesterday. Would it kill the British public to listen to something else for once? I know the streaming sites are "where it's at", but it wouldn't hurt to revisit some older music for a change. Imagine what TikTok would look like if someone like Gareth Gates got viral. (that kid from Pop Idol, if anyone's wondering. Over 20 years ago now.)

But yeah, it's the planet of the ladies again this week. Nathan Dawe is the only lead artist here to back it up for the males in the Top 10, and I hate Nathan Dawe, so it's no wonder the chart is so cluttered with hormones. Billie and Dua are playing their game of who can Barbie it up the most again, apparently Ms. Eilish flogging cassettes got her to No.1 last week. This time, it's Kosovo's finest that's leading the line. Just don't bottle it this time, 'k?

Apart from that, erm... there's no NEW hits this week. All the stuff that's new to the chart is climbing up the rankings like teensy weensy spiders, and no one knows how to flush them down the drain. All the love given to bad idea right?, however, has been flushed, and now it's sinking down the charts so fast you thought it was powered by downloads. Which it isn't, but it will probably leap up once GUTS is given to the public.

This naturally means there's a new face to the Top 10, but then again, I doubt Doja Cat is a new face. After the kind-of misstep that was Attention, this routine swipe up to 6 shows that she hasn't lost that magic touch. Just a shame all the others climbers have.

Sonny Fodera is officially set to become the new James Hype, namely, a one-hit wonder who doesn't deserve to be. Luke Combs is really getting on my nerves with the way he JUST. WON'T GO. AWAY. Issey Cross is also slowly movin' on up. cassö can't stay still for five minutes. THEY'RE ALL GOING UP!! I feel like a smoker in their 50s who can't get to grips with this so-called "internet", even though she owns two phones and groans the second her relative rolls their eyes at them. But enough about my mother.

Actually, I should probably watch my lingo in this paragraph, due to the fact that the hype surrounding North Men North of Richmond is getting to extravagant levels. For those who aren't aware, Oliver Anthony is some country guy, who made this "right-wing anthem" for no reason other than to get some online virality, only for it to completely spin out of control. He's been stuck on top of the iTunes chart ever since, and the fact that he impacted the Spotify Global 50 a few days ago is also quite monumental. It also debuted at 64 on Friday, but now it's surged 40 places, and I'm now contemplating what to talk about when I'm, A) rating this song whilst trying to not look like an idiot, and B), listen to country music. And I'll take A) in a heartbeat.

In other news, though, and Hozier put out an album on Friday, and given he managed to get a Top 40 hit for the first time in forever a few months ago, he can probably wrap up the No.1 album spot come Friday. Ironically, the only song of his in the Top 100 today is that one-hit wonder song from 8-9 years ago. And that's just funny. (edit- I forgot to notice that duet with Brandi Carlile that's at 83)

Elsewhere, if you want any future Top 40 singles, you can probably pin your hopes on Rave Out by Turno & Skepsis, Highs & Lows by Prinz & Gabriella Bee (yes they're separate artists, I don't know why I made a joke about them a month ago, but now it seems I'm the joke here), and Feel It by Jazzy who is severely trying not to become the only things that's worse than a one-hit wonder. A two-hit wonder. You don't wanna be in the same league as Bombalurina and Afroman, that's for sure.

As for the other stuff, the highest new entry is a song called Incredible Sauce. And if that's not symbolic of how hard it is for Giggs to get a hit single, then I don't know what will. The other new things are some random dance track by a guy called Billy Gillies, and also Addison Rae, who had an article on this website a few days ago, and who hired Charli XCX to get her career dabbing like it's 2016. Unfortunately, this song feels like it was made in 2016. 'Cause it .

And that is that for today, young folks. I'm off to come up with a review of that right-wing song without coming across as an unintelligent robot who thinks that songwriters shouldn't express their feelings. G'night.

(P.S. Be glad Addison Rae is getting a Top 100 single, given it's nigh impossible to crack the chart nowadays. What with Vance Joy, and Fleetwood Mac, and Tears For Fears, and Coldplay all clogging it up. I mean, TEARS FOR FEARS!? You know what, maybe giving Gareth Gates a hit isn't out of the question, huh.)

Hoping 'Highs & Lows' can reach the Top 40 in the coming weeks. 

Wasn't won over it by at first, but it really grew on me throughout the month! 

Umm... I certainly wasn't expecting 'Rich Men North Of Richmond' to even gain, let alone by that much! 😳​

Very glad to see 'Prada' taking a big second week climb and nearing the Top 20! 😊