Official Singles Chart Update on 7/8/2023

Chart Update 08/08/2023​

I had stuff to do in the past couple of days, so I couldn't get to post my thoughts on the goings-on during that time. Now then, what's happening in my good old fashioned singles cha-

OH. Same as usual.

Look. We could be here all week making jokes about how popular Sprinter is, and how I'm a cynic for not getting on the bandwagon. I would've been fine if this song had spent just three or four weeks at the summit, but TEN!? Yeah, no, I don't believe it. Someone else had better be No.1 in the next few weeks or I'll commit a felony.

As expected, nothing much is worth talking about this week, apart from the potential reality that Billie and Dua are currently slagging each other off for 2nd place, none of Travis Scott's songs feel like doing much apart from clogging up the 40, Calvin & Sam start their routine (if I don't see them in the Top 5 by September, then questions need to be asked), and in more important news, Becky Hill is back to predictable winning ways. No real shocks, given this seemingly happens every summer, but when you make a song like Disconnect, sometimes these movements are deserved.

Highest new entry at this point in time goes to Doja Cat, whose previous song Attention could probably be labelled a flop given how poorly it did, AND the fact that it was her first new music in a long while. Paint The Town Red is set to address that fact with a little bit of gloss, and maybe some sampling. Because it ain't 2023 unless you steal from someone else. In this case, the gloss is Walk On By by Dionne Warwick, which was covered by Gabrielle in 1997, and that's about it. Until now. Good for Doja, given she seems to be the only female rapper out there capable of making quality songs. If you have any issues with this opinion, reply to this post, and I won't look at 'em.

This level of static is quite notable given you would've expected some other new stuff to take the places of Good Love and Popular, which all succumb to ACR and kick the unroyal bucket. But nope! Instead it's flippin' Taylor Swift that returns. Goody. :/

Chase & Status' NEW song, however, casually starts to assert its dominance, and I for one am unimpressed. I bet even the most fanatic supporters of End Credits and Count on Me would struggle to name all the co-stars on this one. Elsewhere, new stuff from Giggs, M Huncho and Clavish seem set to flop. What did you expect? Bebe Rexha returns, and honestly I would confess to the lord above all of the sins I've committed, in order to escape the utter DROSS that her new song entails. I can never listen to When Love Takes Over the same way again. Thanks, Rex.

Also headed for the chart are Beyond Chicago, whose remake of Whitney's Million Dollar Bill has been all over the Big Top 40, but only now assaults the Top 100. Joining them is Jazzy, who is out to prove that she ain't no 1-hit wonder in the form of Feel It, but given it's at 89 at present, I wouldn't remove that status in a heartbeat. Less expected is the return of mid-00s R'N'B dark horse Ciara, who topped the chart in 2005 with her debut single, and has had problems trying to keep that consistency. Her new song has Chris Brown on it, so that's why it's here. No other reason.

Elsewhere, Sonny Fodera and Issey Cross are now knocking on the door of Radio 1's Chart Show, and I would like to confess that I don't like either of them, in order to avoid any abuse from disinterested civilians of the dance world. The album chart is somewhat more exciting, with (Welsh rockers who don't have any HIGH-CHARTING albums at all) Skindred somehow ruling the roost.

RANT INCOMING: Attempting to give them a headache is Cian Ducrot, who, in my opinion, is the WORST artist out there at the moment. I'm serious. He makes Lewis Capaldi look like the Super Furry Animals in comparison. Hailing from Ireland, he is a poor man's Dermot Kennedy, i.e. a singer-songwriter who makes timid ballads a lot. I loathed it whenever the likes of All For You and I'll Be Waiting appeared on the radio, although I shouldn't have been surprised, given the former had Ella Henderson's help. Now his debut album seems to be knocking on the album top draw, and I would rather choke on broccoli than congratulate him. 

But yeah, that's that for now. I'm off to prepare my script for if Cian does make it to No.1. And also to moan about how static the charts are. Bad idea, right? (foreshadowing)

(P.S. I would end this on a funny note, but it may have come to your attention that DJ Casper, he of chart-topping 2004 smash Cha Cha Slide, has suddenly evacuated to the great Haven Holiday Park in the sky above. He will be missed by DJ's everywhere, as well as me.)

please stop sprinter anyone? 

Whan will sprinter go on acr

Nooo, UK Rap & Trojan Horse on ACR! They did have good runs tho, good Sprinter avoided. If Sprinter gains this week, no acr for another three weeks at least!

Ooh, Clavish at 96. One of his best singles, but sad its flopped

Dave & Central Cee are en route to beat 2 monsters in the music scene: The Weeknd, who's Blinding Lights scored 69 days at number 1 on Spotify Daily. Sprinter is currently on 64. So, who will rule? Also, if Sprinter can get 10 weeks at number 1, it'll have beaten Drake's God's Plan who spent 9 weeks, a first rap song to do so!

, sad to see 'Popular' get hit by ACR! 😔 

'Bittersweet Goodbye' is still gathering a lot of momentum. Hopefully it can eventually reach the Top 40! 🤞

Shame to see 'Desire' out of the Top 10 from yesterday's First Look, but glad that 'Disconnect' is still hanging in there! 😊