Official Singles Chart Update on 31/7/2023

daveand central cee have 8 weeks on nealy all charts streaming etc all of them! and there going too get 9 im gonna cry

can anyone here sing?

central cee sounds like a flippin oatmeal brand

wheres no.50?

PLEASE I DONT WANT SPRINTER TOO BE BIGGEST SONG THIS YEAR IM BEGGING YOU!!!!    

Chart Update 31/07/2023

In a world where No.50 doesn't exist (sort it out), welcome to the Mondate! This is always that chart where nothing happens at the top, but a bunch of stories flood the backwaters of the Top 100, leaving you wondering what went wrong with the world.

First out of the gates is the same song it's been for 9 weeks now. I don't even want to say it. You know what it is, so you don't really need it repeating. Let's just move on.

Travis Scott's hits are positioned at 7, 9 and 10 right now, but I don't really think he's paying attention. He's too busy battling for his FIRST BEST-SELLING ALBUM. Except he's not. Because Anne-Marie is right now. And not many people outside of her fanbase 'really' want it to happen. They're probably hoping that Post Malone can do it as well, but you'll just have to wait and see, dummies!

Slightly more exciting prospects litter the rest of the foundations, as Calvin and Sinead are picking their way through the Top 20 right now. Nothing to add, really. OK, there is. In Drake-related news (because there always is), he decided to slap out a freestyle with Central Cee, and that's at 26. Does it look like I care? No. I never do.

Chase & Status enter at 28, in an act of gratitude not seen since the last time they had a Top 40 hit, which was... Like a decade ago. They're basically pensioners in the drum 'n' bass world. Also expecting a first chart hit in forever is Aphex Twin, who shocked many people last night when Blackbox Life Recorder 21f popped up at No.14. It's fallen 15 spots today, so clearly he isn't hitting the Top 40 anytime soon. But, given he hasn't had any success since about 1999, I'm sure he wouldn't mind.

Stormzy and RAYE slip some spots, so that's just great for them lot, but they haven't fallen as far as Jung Kook, who will probably be lucky to be IN the 40 by Friday. Wasn't he No.3 a couple weeks prior? ZAYN also won't be winning anybody over either, as he slips into the 60s. Be glad he can even GET a chart hit, given the amount of music out there. None of the Post Malone album tracks do anything, Kylie is on ACR, so that , along with David Guetta, which DOESN'T . In fact I'm glad that Haddaway stealing farce is gone. I can force a smile now. :)

Also doing something or other is Burna Boy, who's had better days in the charts, given Last Last was ripping things up about 12 months ago, but now Big 7 enters at a measly 52. So yeah, his career is roadblocked for now. Similarly, ArrDee has had better days, as his latest effort looks like becoming, well, not his lowest chart single, but given his last two efforts made it to 37 and 35 respectively, I can probably call One Direction a FLOP. Enjoy that one, if you can.

The only other new entrant is Issey Cross, who's been plugging the generic-90s-hit-turned-dance-anthem-about-love-or-whatever-cliche machine for what feels like MONTHS with Bittersweet Goodbye. In this case, it's The Verve's Bittersweet Symphony that's been tarnished. The most average dance track in the Top 100 right now, which is saying a HECK of a lot.

And that is just about all I have to say about the goings on in the music industry. Ta-ra, ladies and gentlemen!

(P.S. Aqua's Barbie Girl hasn't gone. What sort of treachery is this!?)

'Nothing Compares 2 U' down from seven from yesterday... I really hope it isn't out of the Top 40 by the end of the week! 😔

BITTERSWEET GOODBYE AND RAVE OUT LETS GOOOO

Very surprised that Post Malone isn't making more of an impact here tbh. 

Really happy to see 'Bittersweet Goodbye' here! 😊