Official Singles Chart Update on 17/7/2023

WHO THE IS THE ARTIST AT 95 IS THIS A PRANK WHY DOES SHE HAVE SUCH A LONG NAME? IT MAKES NO SENSE IM SO CONFUSED AND IVE NEVER HEARD OF THIS PERSON! someone please explain

Chart Update 17/07/2023

"An awkward silence penetrates the air. The forty-something guests staying at the facility notice that the rulers have been quite stagnant recently. This is time for revenge".

On a completely different note, welcome to the Mondate! This is where I make suggestions about songs that may or may not be taking over the country in about 2 months from now, and you already know that Sprinter is at the top. You knew that before you even clicked on this article, didn't you.

Jung Kook is still in second place because A), he actually has SOME streams, so he stands a chance, and B), he's put out WAY too many different versions of the song on iTunes in order to rig his way up there. The cheek. Billie's still at 9, umm, J Hus isn't going anywhere, except his album tracks are. Both of them aren't even in the Top 20 now, which for his fans, but given I haven't touched them yet, maybe I should be held responsible.

Speaking of the Hus, he's top of the album update, in a climactic battle with Taylor's old stuff, and also Rita Ora's new album, who couldn't get any of the songs from this into the Top 40, and it isn't gonna change now. Is she a busted flush? Probably. 

As for the new stuff, Troye Sivan is still sounding like a dance act in the form of Rush at 27, and is joined by Becky Hill's new track/collab with Chase & Status, and the collaborator here immediately means the song is officially better than everything she's put out since, oh, I dunno, 2018? Just a thought. Post Malone's latest teaser is also set for the 40, but it's not like anybody is paying ACTUAL attention to that song, right?

In other news, Oxlade is set to get another appearance in the chart by hanging out with Dave, in an attempt to rid everybody of KU LO SA - A Colours Show. Pinkpantheress is now a 1-hit wonder, becuase her follow is at 96. Fraud. Also here is Disclosure with another potential flop, Fredo has also had better days than today, and Lauren Spencer-Smith's debut album also spwans a couple of minor Top 100 songs. I don't really care about that, mainly because over on the album update, Joel Corry FINALLY MADE AN ALBUM. I know it's at a measly 28, but at least he's trying. For the first time in probably history, I can give a thumbs up to the former Geordie Shore star. Remember that show? 'Course you don't.

Anyways, ta-ra!

(P.S. Lil Durk, Loreen, and Harry Styles have felt the full force of ACR, but if you thought Prinz Gabriela Bee was a crazy name, then you clearly haven't heard of Sovuduwrisominovigebrophesturakeslirajacrovojostegacirodruvoriwitimidromi. I know that's Lauren Spencer-Smith, but it's a neat little nickname for her.)

Please fix 'Lauren-Spencer Smith's name for 'That Part'!!!! It's been this way on the Singles Sales chart for the past couple of weeks too.

Does nobody proof-read these charts? There's frequently blaring errors. How can you not notice that an artist is being credited as "SOVUDUWRISOMINOVIGEBROPHESTURAKESLIRAJACROVOJOSTEGACIRODRUVORIWITIMIDROMI?

Lmao what happened with #95??? 😭

Did somebody fall asleep on the keyboard? 

'Rush' is probably my favourite Troye Sivan song since 'Youth'!

Really didn't expect this style from him, but hopefully he can debut in the Top 40 in the final chart. 

Good to see Billie still in the Top 10. Hopefully she can stay there until Friday! 😊